The Mental Stamina of Breast Cancer Recovery 

I’ve told several people in my life lately, “Recovery is a mental marathon.” 

In my case, I’ve been silent for a while because my mental marathon has become a full-time job. It’s not a paying job. It’s not a job that I’m qualified for. The learning curve is steep. Lack of real results is infuriating. And, the absence of expertise in my immediate medical community leaves me feeling totally defeated. 

Professional help I’ve sought has included me sitting in a chair, watching someone else do the googling for me. So I travel solo into the great unknown. My goal (aka: job) is to manage the side effects of my double mastectomy. These include a messed-up gut microbiome, “stuck” lymph, and blurred vision. Yes. These are all physical effects. But mental endurance is necessary to sit with them. You need to try to be OK with where you’re at. It also involves digging in and (hopefully) finding solutions for all these physical changes. 

No idea how many miles I’ve logged, but here’s where I’ve been… 

My gut microbiome is a mess. About two months post-double mastectomy, I started having severe reactions to food. I’ve had onion sensitivity for a long time. Onions were officially identified as a problem some time back in the COVID years. The side effect of this food sensitivity is hives. And, it was the hives that started showing up in full effect some time around Christmas. 

The month-long regimen of antibiotics post-mastectomy completely depleted my gut microbiome. I only know the term ‘gut microbiome’ through some algorithm in my social stream. It’s a term I’d be OK to never hear again. My gut depletion, combined with the over-indulgence (translation: chocolate and cheese) of the holidays, all added up.

Where I am. I was shocked that not a single medical professional prepared me for the havoc antibiotics would have on my body. After getting over this shock, I purchased a LOT of probiotics. The kicker is that I had to all but abandon prebiotic foods. All the good yogurts and kombuchas I normally turn to are high in histamine. Now, I’m swallowing antihistamines daily. I’m eating a low-histamine diet. And, searching, “Is _____ low histamine” before putting anything in my mouth.

A visit to a registered dietitian revealed that there are probiotics specifically designed for histamine-sensitive individuals like me. Which just means I’ll be purchasing more probiotics. But is that even the right thing to do? I mean, I can’t go on like this forever, right? Unfortunately, that same registered dietitian shared, “Sometimes surgery changes people.” So, maybe this is just my life now. Hard not to think, “F my life.”

A wise acupuncturist once told me that hives are a sign. Hives on the outside mean they are also occurring on my insides–in my intestines. I’m doing all of the above to try to calm the hives on my skin. I am also working to soothe them in my gut. So far, I’ve kept them at bay, but I’m not “normal” (or having regular poops) yet. And, it’s month three. TMI? Tell me about it.

My lymphatic system needs love. Again, thanks to social media, I started hearing about lymphatic brushes. The brushes aimed to lift facial tissue. They changed the appearance of your jawline and eliminated bags under your eyeballs. Did I need that? Not really. Did I order them? You bet. I received the brushes (with a free body brush) in the mail. But, I didn’t know how to use them. And, what was “lymph”? Curiosity quickly led me to lymphatic drainage practitioner, Lisa Levitt Gainsley, and The Book of Lymph.

We’ll get to my eyesight next, but I quickly downloaded her audiobook and pressed “play.” Little did I know that this book would quickly become my holy grail. Right from the intro, I learned what lymph is (there’s more lymph in our bodies than blood!)…so we’re all on the same page: 

Lymph is a watery fluid circulating through lymphatic vessels. It acts as the body’s sewage system. It collects waste, excess fluid, and proteins from tissues. It holds white blood cells (lymphocytes) that fight infection. These cells work crucially in immunity by filtering pathogens through lymph nodes. They return the cleansed fluid to the bloodstream.

I also learned that several organs work together to detox our systems. One of these vital organs? The appendix, which I had removed in seventh grade. Back then, surgeons told me we didn’t know its purpose. They assured me there would be no side effects and I’d be fine. We now know the appendix stores good bacteria. It allows them to survive and then repopulate the intestines after infections or antibiotic use destroy the gut microbiome. Clearly, my body is amazing, but it has also been hobbling along for decades. 

The Book of Lymph has provided me with a lot of learning and, more importantly, action. In her book, Gainsley outlines and instructs readers/listeners on how to do self-lymphatic massage. These easy-to-follow, self-massages target specific areas/symptoms. They’ve made a marked difference both physically – I can feel, in particular, my stomach “move” – but also mentally. Having actionable solutions, literally at my fingertips, is empowering. 

I could go on (as I do to nearly anyone who’ll listen on the daily). And I will go on in a separate post at some point. For now. I’ll simply say. BUY The Book of Lymph. Get it on audio to more easily follow along with any self-massage sequence. You won’t regret it. 

My blurred vision isn’t getting any better. After surgery, there was a heavy haze that settled in. I was groggy a lot. My vision was blurry. And my body, life, lifestyle, was all in a state of confusion. After going through so many changes, nothing was “normal” anymore. 

So, at first, my blurred vision was easily explained away. I just had major surgery. I was taking a lot of Tylenol/Advil. I was supplementing pain relievers with Oxycodone on occasion. Then, as time went by, more excuses emerged. I was taking a lot of antihistamines to combat my gut dysfunction. 

But, here’s the thing. I’ve had glasses since first grade. I need them for reading – weak eye muscles that need extra help when concentrating for a long time. In all this time, my prescription has changed ever so slightly. Most recently, my prescription actually improved! Then, WHAM. Post-surgery, my eyesight is blurred. Will they refocus? Time will tell. 

Which brings us to right now: In this moment, I’m staying focused on my gut microbiome. My hope is to get off the antihistamines in the coming weeks and see if my eyes refocus. I’ll pay a visit to my ophthalmologist to gain insight into my eyesight. I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other. And realize the metaphor within my metaphor – recovery IS a mental marathon. But, by marathon, I simply mean a long ass trek with no finish line in sight. Or, if there is a finish line, it’s too far out/too blurry to see.